


Scars

by JulianGreystoke



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fear, Fluff, Love, No Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Scars, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 10:46:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2578772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulianGreystoke/pseuds/JulianGreystoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lorelei Shepard and Garrus Vakarian are finally getting their romantic moment together, but will their scars, both physical and mental, get in the way? A continuation of ME2's romance scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

Scars

Lorelei Shepard let the water run down her body. It was a little too hot; close to burning her tan skin, but she didn't care. She liked the feeling of each drop scalding her like a tiny bullet because her mind was a busy blur of confusing thoughts and emotions. She just kept flashing back to that time. That horrible time when... Ashley, a good solider, always followed orders. She understood the risks. She gave her life willingly. So why did it feel like Shepard had pulled the trigger? Just as Shepard let those dark remembrances rise off her skin with the steam, her mind would flash forward to things that had not happened yet, but almost certainly would. Her team. Her friends. They were being killed. Slaughtered, maimed, turned into empty eyed husks that turned and gaped at her, open mouthed, silently asking her why she hadn't saved them. Even in the scalding shower she shivered.

Her jet black hair, free of the efficient, military bun she always wore, fell straight and to the small of her back, almost to her butt. A hallmark of what she could only assume was native American heritage. She reached around and pulled her hair over her shoulder, stroking it contemplatively. She wished she could think about something, anything, but the hopeless task that lay ahead and the terrible moments that lurked behind.

~~~~

It was fortunate that he did not enter the room when she was wrapped in nothing but a towel. As it was she had only just put on her casual uniform and tucked up her hair in a loose tail to be out of her way when he entered her quarters. She jumped, still on edge, hand twitching towards a sidearm she didn't have and wouldn't need. She smiled as her eyes met his, deep brown to piercing blue. He was standing there, looking extremely uncertain, and holding what appeared to be a bottle of alcohol. She'd never seen the clothes he was wearing and half suspected he had bought them new, just for her. He had absolutely none of his usual confidence and swagger about him as he met her gaze. She also felt less sure of herself than usual, watching him shift uneasily from foot to foot. 

Garrus cleared his throat and finally managed to speak. “I brought wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante’s salary.”

She folded her arms, regarding him, a wry smile creasing her cheeks, understanding how awkward the both of them felt. Two adults who had seen so much of the galaxy together and they were nervous as teenagers about tonight's little rendezvous.

Garrus seemed to have made a decision and suddenly he was a flurry of motion. He darted to a small control panel and with the tap of a few buttons selected the most terrible song Shepard had ever heard. It was all she could do not to wince as it grated from the speakers and hope it wasn't supposed to be a romantic turian balad. She wasn't sure if Garrus had chosen it, but it didn't seem like the type of thing he would like. She instantly suspected Joker might have given it to his friend, promising that it was a sure way to charm any human female. Garrus, meanwhile, had returned to his original spot and was standing tall, arms open as though she were supposed to appreciate his new clothes, or his body, or something. She wasn't sure what, in turian culture, should be an area of interest, so she mostly focused on what she found attractive about him. His bright, vibrant eyes. Though she did note that he still wore the visor. If she was honest her attraction to Garrus wasn't as much physical as mental. Certainly she thought him handsome, but more than that, his clever mind and deep loyalty were what drew her to the turian.

He did a little strut back and forth, and Shepard decided it was time she got in on this little mating dance. She walked towards him, careful to give a little extra sway to her hips as she went. He seemed to appreciate this motion, though he was still clearly nervous when he spoke again. “If...you were a turian I would be complimenting your waist or your fringe. So...your hair looks good, and your waist...” he breathed in through his teeth, “is very supportive.”

She almost laughed aloud at his attempted flattery, but decided his nerves did not need that. Not tonight. Instead she stopped, resting her weight on one hip and giving him what she hoped was a sweet smile. She didn't have much practice.

He went on, the words tumbling from his mouth. “I hope that's not offensive in human culture. Crap. I knew I should have watched the vids.”

She was surprised. He hadn't watched the questionable vids Joker had given him to help him 'better understand human anatomy and pleasure'. She was relieved. She had been more than a little nervous about the content of those vids, hoping the women in them would not do anything that required her to be a contortionist. She also realized that it might have meant he wanted to discover how to be with her, not just how to please any human woman. Her heart gave a little flutter the likes of which a hardened military commander rarely got to experience. Where her cheeks going red? They felt warm.

As Shepard tried valiantly to keep her fluttery heart under control Garrus was still talking. She realized this and knew she had to save him. “Whoa,” she said, raising her hand, and lowering her voice. She could be attractive when she wanted to and she knew it. “Consider me seduced, smooth talker. Now shut up and stop worrying.” She walked over and turned off the terrible music.

Garrus seemed as relieved by this as she was. She looked back to the turian, who had set down the wine and was giving her a look so soulful it almost hurt. The depth of all these had been through together shone out from his eyes. He was finally here, in her cabin at last. Her long time best friend. The only time he had left her side was when she had died, and even then he didn't select a turian mate. He had come running back into her crew as soon as she had found him again. He was everything she could ever want in a man, and everything she felt she didn't deserve.

Garrus watched her and his voice and posture changed. His tone became gentle. “I just..I,” he spoke quietly, so she had to step closer and tilt her head to hear. “I've seen so many things go wrong, Shepard. My work with C-sec. What happened with Sidonis. I want something to go right, just once. Just...”

He trailed off. There was pain behind his voice and it caught against her own. She moved closer, slowly, raised her hand and brushed her fingers up his arm, up to the side of his face. She was so gentle she barely touched his skin as she traced his still healing scars. The tattered, damaged flesh was dry and course and reminded her painfully of how fragile he was for all his tough facade. Even that gentle touch made him flinch. Just enough that she could notice, but she knew him. She knew his every motion and gesture as well as her own. She could communicate a thousand words in a single glance in battle. Over the years she had found that nothing bonded you together like being responsible for each other's lives.

Slowly, without even really realizing they were doing it, the two leaned together, forehead to forehead. She closed her eyes, feeling his breath, certain that she could hear his heart beating. After a long moment he raised his hand and caressed her arm.

She jumped. Not just a flinch, as he had done when she touched his wounded face; but an actual jerk away from his hand. She could have punched herself as she realized she'd made the motion and saw the startled and saddened look on his face. “Oh Garrus, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean...I'm just...not used to being touched. I've had therapy and...” she couldn't keep going. She walked past him to her bed and sat down hard, facing away from him.

It was only a second or two before she felt the bed shift as she sat down behind her. He didn't touch her, but his voice was so gentle it might have been a caress. “Shepard, I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to trigger...” He trailed off again.

She didn't turn around. Her hands were in her lap and she looked a them, opening and closing her fingers slowly. She could almost feel the cool grip of a firearm in her grasp. More natural than anything else she could ever hold. “You never get over it, you know? Losing your team.”

“No,” he said.

“I don't know how I survived that day on Akuze. Luck. Dumb luck was all it was. I'm the luckiest fucking person in the galaxy.” She waved her arm expressively as she spoke, as though gesturing to the space outside. “After that I wouldn't let anyone touch me for a long time. Post traumatic stress, they called it. They said lots of soldiers have it, and that I could learn to cope. So I learned to cope, because they told me I could. It wasn't debilitating so they kept me on duty. I was a hell of a soldier after all.”

“You are a hell of a solider,” Garrus corrected her softly.

He still wasn't touching her, but his presence was powerful, protective. She felt like nothing could harm her ever again, as long as he was there. Finally she did turn to look at him. His eyes, so full of concern, caught her by surprise. She knew that he was possibly the only person in her life who could truly understand where she was coming from. What she had been through. She gathered her nerve, then reached out and took his hand, guiding it up to press it against her cheek.

He smiled, spreading his mandibles and looking at her with such an open expression she knew she could let him touch her again. She turned her face and kissed his palm, smiling with her lips still against his skin. He didn't dare move his other hand until she reached for it and placed it on her hip. He scooted closer, so he could hold her. His hand left her cheek and pulled the tie from her hair, letting it fall in a cascade down her back. He ran his fingers through it, still not taking his eyes off hers. “I've never told you, Shepard, how grateful I am to have you. How glad I am that you chose me,” he said. “Even if it is just for tonight.”

“Garrus,” she said sternly, “now that I have you, do you think I'm going to settle for one night?”

He chuckled. “Maybe not.”

She hesitated a moment, enjoying, for the first time in a long time, the sensation of arms around her. She was almost always the protector. The one who gave, but never received. She tilted her chin up and realized his face was centimeters from hers. “May I do something that humans do to show affection?” she asked.

“Of course,” he replied, still smiling in his own way. She knew is every expression as well as any human's.

She kissed him. He seemed a little confused at first as her lips pressed against his. His mouth was so different from hers, but she loved it. She had worried that kissing him might be awkward or unpleasant, but it wasn't. It was perfect. He seemed to think so too because he began to kiss her back, if a bit fumblingly. He had to work to keep her from cutting her lips or tongue on his sharp teeth. Although it was not anything near a human kiss, it was still the most blissful thing Shepard had ever felt. Her hands moved upwards, one sliding over his shoulder to rest there and the other cradling the uninjured side of his face. To her surprise he took her hand from his shoulder and placed it over his scars. “We'll heal together, Shepard,” he said, “every good solider has scars, but we don't have to let them rule us.”

She knew he was right, and for the first time she knew that the next day would not be repeat of her worst day alive. She could do this, and so could her team. Her friends. They could all make it out alive, because they were the best of the best, scars and all.

Then she grabbed the front of Garrus' shirt and pulled him towards her onto the bed.


End file.
